Subject: Things » Autos (Page 8)

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History

Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Autos Things

People on horses look better than they are; people in cars look worse than they are.

(1904 – 1990) American author & critic
Animals Appearance Autos Things

Traffic increases to fill the road space available.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
America Autos People

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

What a stupid car – that's like having a Rolex clock radio.

comedian
Autos Things

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

I’m not a fighter; I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Autos Conflict Fights Things

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things