Author: Anonymous Page 107

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

I hate to put you through all this rigor mortis.

Mixed metaphors

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

We drove around and looked at some apartments, and then we looked at some condoms.

Malaprops

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.

Malaprops Situations

Expert: A person who knows enough to complicate simple matters.

Definitions

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

“Fish seem to like me,” Tom said with baited breath.

Tom Swifties