Author: Anonymous Page 108

It's as dark as the inside of a cow.

Expressions

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Situations

“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.

Tom Swifties

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

“All right – we’ll use a water solution”, Tom acquiesced.

Tom Swifties

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Expressions