Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 113
Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose
vowels.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Bowels
They're a legend before their time.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.
Anonymous
Age
Old
Young
Algebra
Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
People
Upper Crust
Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Dieting
He was shaking like a 50¢ ladder.
Anonymous
Expressions
Nervous
Shaking
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Wordplay
Giraffe
Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Occupations
Taxidermist
Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.
Anonymous
Definitions
Confidence
She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Fanatics
Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.
Anonymous
Definitions
Garage
He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Heirloom
“I’ve got a new watch,” Tom said with abandon.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
She's as headstrong as an
allegory
on the banks of Nile.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Malaprops
Alligator
Stubborn
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