Author: Anonymous Page 113

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.

Tom Swifties

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

He was shaking like a 50¢ ladder.

Expressions

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.

Definitions

She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.

Definitions

He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

“I’ve got a new watch,” Tom said with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops