Author: Anonymous Page 121

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech

“Don’t you love sleeping outdoors,” Tom said intently.

Tom Swifties

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

That'll stick out like a red herring.

Mixed metaphors

Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.

Malaprops