Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 121
Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Wordplay
Urinalysis:The
Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.
Anonymous
Conversation
Definitions
Occupations
Barber
Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.
Anonymous
Definitions
Exhaustion
“I lost my pants in the stock market,” Tom speculated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.
Anonymous
Definitions
Shopping
Consumer
Both of my children had the chicken
pops
when they were young.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Chicken pox
Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ability
He’s like a duck out of water.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Women
Sidesaddle
Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lemonade Stand
Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Home
Survival of the
fitness.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Fittest
Survival
“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Wood fires help fuel climate change.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
People
Economist
A day without sunshine is like… well, night.
Anonymous
Situations
Time
Day
Night
Sunshine
Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Anonymous
Definitions
Campers
Mosquitoes
Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Mission Statement
“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
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