Author: Anonymous Page 121

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.

Definitions

“I lost my pants in the stock market,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

He’s like a duck out of water.

Mixed metaphors

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

Wood fires help fuel climate change.

Mixed metaphors

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties

I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.

Mixed metaphors

It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.

Mixed metaphors