Author: Anonymous Page 121

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Emotions Memory Past

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops

I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.

Mixed metaphors

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.

Mixed metaphors

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Work

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Mixed metaphors

Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Alcohol Food/Drink

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

Situations

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions