Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 121
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Anonymous
Autos
Husbands
Marriage
Wives
“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Seine
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Anonymous
Emotions
Memory
Past
Nostalgia
Alcohol is ok in
modification.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Malaprops
Moderation
I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Anonymous
Work
Career
Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.
Anonymous
Dating
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Men
People
Chocolate
Hips
Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Keep a stiff upper chin.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intuition
Suspicion
Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.
Anonymous
Science/Weather
Situations
Lost
Speed
“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Drunkard
“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.
Anonymous
Situations
Often erroneously credited to ‘Groucho’ Marx
Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Sport
Dictator: A self-madman.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Page 121 of 161
« First
« Previous
119
120
121
122
123
Next »
Last »