Author: Anonymous Page 129

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

One brain washes the other.

Malaprops

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

“Europe needs more self-restraint,” said Tom continently.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.

Tom Swifties

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

“We must hurry,” said Tom Swiftly.

Tom Swifties

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

“I’m just an average guy,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

… create a little dysentery in the ranks.

Malaprops

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

People Sex Women

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

He is so stupid… he thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties