Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 129
Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
That sure did take the steam out of his sails.
Anonymous
Misspokements
“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.
Anonymous
Art
Definitions
Entertainment
Abstract art
Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Yankee
“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.
Anonymous
Sex
Abstinence
Grasping at the straw that broke the camel's back
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Charity
Telemarketers
Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fern
Plants
Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Law
Judge
Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Government Deficit
Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.
Anonymous
Definitions
Shopping
Consumer
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conference
Paunch: A bulging trunk.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Paunch
There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.
Anonymous
Animals
Horses
Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.
Anonymous
Expressions
About a disliked person
Unfriendly
We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Men
Penis
Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.
Anonymous
Definitions
Easy payments
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