Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 21
His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.
Anonymous
Autos
Exaggerations
Things
She's as headstrong as an
allegory
on the banks of Nile.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Malaprops
Alligator
Stubborn
“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Oops, I’ve ripped my pants!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.
Anonymous
Marriage
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.
Anonymous
Health
Hypochondria
Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Definitions
Food/Drink
Zigzag
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Anonymous
Activities
Characteristics
Exercise
Luck
Cat bathing is a martial art.
Anonymous
Animals
Cats
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
Anonymous
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Sex
Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.
Anonymous
Sex
Feathers
Kinky
Perversion
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Marriage
Sex
Television
The Three Ages of Marriage
Many nations adopt a
tit for tit
policy.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Tit for Tat
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Anonymous
Activities
Beer
Food/Drink
Fishing
“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.
Anonymous
Situations
Odds
I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.
Anonymous
Money
Things
FAX machines
You are wise behind your ears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Organic Farm
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Anonymous
Definitions
Egotist
Page 21 of 161
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