Author: Anonymous Page 21

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

“Oops, I’ve ripped my pants!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.

Tom Swifties

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Marriage

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Activities Characteristics Exercise

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Animals Cats

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

Books Communication Reading/Writing Sex

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

Tom Swifties

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

You are wise behind your ears.

Mixed metaphors

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.

Definitions

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions