Author: Anonymous Page 21

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.

Tom Swifties

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Insults

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

“Now I have the tools to chop down that tree,” said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

The squeaky wheel wins.

Mixed metaphors

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors

“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.

Tom Swifties

Hey, I hope you can help me, I’m kind of up against the gun here.

Mixed metaphors

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Definitions Golf Sports

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

Family Planning: Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters.

Children Definitions Family