Author: Anonymous Page 21

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

… behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

“My cat George is my dearest friend,” Tabitha purred.

Tom Swifties

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

That sure did take the steam out of his sails.

Misspokements

Do you follow where I'm coming from?

Mixed metaphors Understanding

Good to be back on the old terracotta.

Malaprops

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

You can’t have your hill and die on it too.

Mixed metaphors

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

“What’s a wide-angle lens?” asked Tom obtusely.

Tom Swifties

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

Luck: The thing that draws us for jury duty, but never for the lottery.

Definitions

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

The walls of medieval cathedrals were supported by flying buttocks.

Malaprops

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties

“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.

Tom Swifties