Author: Anonymous Page 30

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

“I wrote the book on that subject”, said Tom authoritatively.

Tom Swifties

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Beer Food/Drink

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

Fewer and fewer in between

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Nothing out of the unusual

Mixed metaphors

You could have knocked me over with a fender.

Mixed metaphors

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Government

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old