Author: Anonymous Page 33

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

Animals Exaggerations

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.

Tom Swifties

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

It was a very heart-rendering story.

Emotions Malaprops

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

Books Communication Reading/Writing Sex

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

“I have a BA in social work,” said Tom with a degree of concern.

Tom Swifties