Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 33
Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Friends
People
Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
Anonymous
Definitions
Religion
Archbishop
The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!
Anonymous
Animals
Exaggerations
Louisiana
Mosquitoes
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Run your kite up the flagpole
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Don’t cast swine before bears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conference Room
“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Director: The one who always faces the music.
Anonymous
Definitions
Music
Director
It was a very heart-
rendering
story.
Anonymous
Emotions
Malaprops
Heart-rending
“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Opinion
Oxymorons
Reputation
American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
American Language
It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.
Anonymous
Democracy
Government
Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fruitcake
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
Anonymous
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Sex
Life: A play with a lousy third act.
Anonymous
Definitions
Life
“I have a BA in social work,” said Tom with a degree of concern.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Page 33 of 161
« First
« Previous
31
32
33
34
35
Next »
Last »