Author: Anonymous Page 33

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Let's make sure we're all talking off the same sheet of music.

Mixed metaphors

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

Assumption is the mother of the screw-up.

Mistakes Problems

Nothing out of the unusual

Mixed metaphors