Author: Anonymous Page 33

“The seesaw is upside down,” said Tom saucily.

Tom Swifties

Flirtation: Paying attention without intention.

Definitions

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

Definitions

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

She raped him in a blanket.

Malaprops Situations

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers

Characteristics Emotions Expressions

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

He is so fat… his shadow weighs 12 pounds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I’m going to get a hair transplant,” said Tom baldly.

Tom Swifties

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

We're like two peas in a pot.

Malaprops Situations

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

Tom Swifties