Author: Anonymous Page 52

Can a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

Expressions

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

Tom Swifties

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

“I wonder where the next character is going to appear,” said Tom with a cursory glance.

Tom Swifties

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

“I was absolutely vitrified,” said Tom with a glazed look.

Tom Swifties

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

“I don’t like this Chardonnay,” Tom whined.

Tom Swifties

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

Seeing a buzzard catch a rare phalarope is in bird-watching terms, like killing two birds with one stone.

Mixed metaphors