Author: Anonymous Page 72

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Definitions

“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.

Tom Swifties

Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.

Definitions

People were streaming out of town to escape the floods.

Mixed metaphors

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

Are you getting the jest of this?

Malaprops

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Numismatics: Collecting money for fun.

Definitions

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Jealousy: The tribute mediocrity pays to genius.

Characteristics Definitions

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Malaprops