Author: Anonymous Page 96

“I have to check the score on this exam again,” Tom remarked.

Tom Swifties

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Places Situations World

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Characteristics

Can a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

Expressions

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Food/Drink Money Success

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Insults Intelligence

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous

A leopard can't change his stripes.

Mixed metaphors

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Expressions

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

He's grinning like a mule eating briars.

Appearance Emotions Expressions Happiness