Author: Fran Lebowitz

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Success

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

The word “lady” most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

There is no such thing as inner peace; there is only nervousness and death.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Death

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

I am not… totally unreceptive to color providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lawyers Life

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract – teach him to deduct.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Future Learning

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Sex

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

Polite conversation is rarely either.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

You’re only has good as your last haircut.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink