Author: Fran Lebowitz Page 2

You’re only has good as your last haircut.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

To the French, lying is simply talking.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lies People Places

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Life Situations Sleep

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

I am not… totally unreceptive to color providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

The opposite of talking isn't listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

The best fame is a writer’s fame: it’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract – teach him to deduct.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Future Learning

Polite conversation is rarely either.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance Clothing