Author P.J. O’Rourke | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: P.J. O'Rourke Page 2

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Animals Dogs Bachelors

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Food/Drink Fish Smell Spoiled

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Housework Situations World Ambitions

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fisherman.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Canada Places

I’ve only been a New Yorker for ten years but the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

New York City People Places

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Animals Children Eating People Fish

Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Insults People Of the French

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Men Things Time Women Hats

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Age Government People Car keys Giving Power Teenage Whiskey

A compromise in the sense that being bitten in half by a shark is a compromise with being swallowed whole.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Situations Compromise

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Children Family Parents

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Government Politicians Work

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Golf Sports

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Money

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Activities Parties

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Family Parents Discipline

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: P.J. O'Rourke Page 2

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fisherman.

I’ve only been a New Yorker for ten years but the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

A compromise in the sense that being bitten in half by a shark is a compromise with being swallowed whole.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.