Author: Rick Bayan Page 2

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

A middling mind always benefits from a lack of competition.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence

Repressed: Sitting on one’s inner demon to keep it decorously immobilized, as practiced by lifelong Presbyterians or anyone who attempts to exchange pleasantries with a tyrannical boss.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Erudite: Exhibiting a degree of book learning fatal to success in any business or romantic enterprise.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Dna: A complex organic molecule characterized as the building block of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Star: A performer who makes more than his or her agent.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Quality of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Zoo: A pleasant and instructive wildlife park, lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten alive in their natural habitats.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Animals Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Clothing Definitions