Keyword: Jesus

Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Religion

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?

American comedian
People

 Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? … I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Intelligence

I really like a lot of the stuff they did; it's just, sometimes, their fans get on my nerves.

comedian
People

I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Age

I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

The good news is that Jesus is coming back; the bad news is that he's really pissed off.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Anger Emotions

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers; good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

(1952 – ) comedian
Mothers Relationships

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Beliefs Characteristics Religion

You know, just once I’d like to hear a player say, ‘Yeah, we were in the game – until Jesus made me fumble; he hates our team.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Sports

If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

Poor Jesus; first he's crucified, then he has to spend his Saturdays with Jerry Falwell.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

Jesus saves, Moses invests.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Money

Almighty Sports with Jesus: Featuring a Heavenly Host of Righteous Adventures

Book Titles Sports

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Religion