Keyword: Smoking

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day; I haven't had time for tobacco since.

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
Activities People Situations Women

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Murphy’s Laws

I don’t let men smoke in my apartment, but if I have a woman over she can barbecue a goat.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Activities Women

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Characteristics Sex

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

Smoking like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

I’m a heavy smoker; I go through two lighters a day.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

I know that every cigarette I smoke takes five minutes off my life, but it takes ten minutes to smoke it… that’s a five-minute net gain!

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Activities

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

I smoke like a 5-alarm fire.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Activities

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… well, it's killing me!

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Health

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country… the trouble is they cost a quarter.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Activities Money

I quit smoking ’cause I want to live, and now that I’m not smoking, I don’t want to live anymore.

comedian
Activities Life

Oscar Wilde: Do you mind if I smoke?

Bernhardt: I don't care if you burn.

(1844-1923) French stage actress
Insults

Smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Activities Science/Weather

Giving up smoking is easy… I've done it hundreds of times.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Characteristics

I thought about giving up smoking, but decided not to – I’m not a quitter.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Activities

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" and I answered, "It's a Boys."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous