Subject: Activities (Page 6)

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Activities Housework

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

Murphy’s Laws Travel

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Situations Sleep

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Activities Communication Drugs Language

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Activities Golf Sports

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

The score never interested me, only the game.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games

I don’t know… I’ve never smoked it.

(1943 – ) American football player
Activities Sports

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o’clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

I donated blood today… that's what I call getting an AIDS test.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Activities

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Appearance Travel

Do you know what’s easier than putting on sunscreen? … not going outside.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Arms Games Murphy’s Laws Things

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

What is the big deal about trainspotters… I counted 27 of the losers today.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Activities

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel