Subject: Activities (Page 5)

When Mel told his Jewish mother he was marrying an Italian girl, she said: ‘Bring her over; I’ll be in the kitchen—with my head in the oven.‘

(1931 – 2005) American actor
Family Mothers People Travel

Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.


Activities Alcohol Food/Drink

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.

(1912 – 1977) German-born rocket engineer
Activities Work

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Things

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities Shopping Things Time

I do clean up a little if company is coming; I'll wipe the lipstick off the milk container.

(1952 – ) comedian
Activities Housework

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian
Activities

It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian – you know, quitting meat – because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs Eating Food/Drink

It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Activities Sports

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.

writer
Activities Housework

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Beliefs Housework

I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities Eating Food/Drink Sports

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

The game [of poker] exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Activities Games

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Situations

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping