Subject: Activities (Page 7)

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games Sex

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records… nothing was alphabetized!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

I think Foosball© is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it’s a sport.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Activities Elections/Voting Government Places Sports

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them; my mother cleans them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Family Housework Mothers

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.

Activities Definitions

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Housework Work

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities People Shopping Women

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities

The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather