Subject: Conflict » Arms

Fun Stuff: Walk into a gun store, buy three guns and a bunch of ammunition, then ask them if they have any ski masks.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster

Smart bombs have bad days too.

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian

They say that guns don't kill people, people kill people, but I think the guns help.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.

Dick Cheney says he loves California… out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing; it's called the stock market.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

Do you ever go into a store and you happen to be carrying something that they sell in that store and then start to get all paranoid that they're going to think that you stole it? … That happened to me recently at the gun store.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

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