Subject: Conflict » Arms

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Smart bombs have bad days too.

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

One failed attempt at a shoe bomb and we all take off our shoes at the airport; thirty-one school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85; that’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

(1932 – ) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

An Iranian moderate is one that has run out of ammunition.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar

Tracers work BOTH ways.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.

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