Subject: Conflict » Arms

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms Fear Men People Things

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

You’ll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old’s cold dead hands.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Things

Fun Stuff: Walk into a gun store, buy three guns and a bunch of ammunition, then ask them if they have any ski masks.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Arms Conflict

It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Arms Life Things

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

An Iranian moderate is one that has run out of ammunition.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Arms Conflict Government People Places

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Arms Conflict Stupidity

Recoilless rifles – aren’t.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer
Arms Conflict Places

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Conflict Education School

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

Do you ever go into a store and you happen to be carrying something that they sell in that store and then start to get all paranoid that they're going to think that you stole it? … That happened to me recently at the gun store.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Arms Conflict Situations

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things

Gun-free zones kill people

Arms Conflict Headlines

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Arms Intelligence Military

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Arms Speech Things

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Canada Places Things

One failed attempt at a shoe bomb and we all take off our shoes at the airport; thirty-one school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Arms Conflict TV/Movie Quotes