Subject: Government » Lawyers

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

After last week’s preliminary hearing Saddam Hussein was asked if he needed anything while in custody; “Yes,” he said, “Michael Jackson’s lawyer.”

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

I think that after the third marriage Georgie tried to claim his divorce attorney as a dependent.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian

Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone – Sleeps Master John Gill; – By lies when alive this attorney did thrive, – And now that he's dead he lies still.

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Lawyers make excellent patients; they have excellent health care and they never get better.

(1959 – ) American actor

Karen, I am a lawyer, which means, unlike you, I actually passed a bar.

(1963 – ) Canadian-American actor

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Lawyer: One who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Goembel John E. – 1867–1946 – "The defense rests."