Subject: People (Page 2)

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day; I haven't had time for tobacco since.

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

Mankind is divisible into two great classes: hosts and guests.

Elvis transcends his talent to the point of dispensing with it altogether.

(1945 – ) author, music journalist & cultural critic

Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

American author

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian

The Mexicans… these tiny little men from South America.

British sports commentator

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

My mom always said, ‘Men are like linoleum floors. You lay them right, and you can walk on them for 30 years.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.

(1861 – 1950) American writer

Even Robinson Crusoe had company on Friday.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

[With women] it’s like God made a little package; it’s all tucked in with hospital corners and stuff; and with men, it’s like God started to make a bow, and the phone rang.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
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