Subject: People (Page 2)

When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money, fraud will result.

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse… that would be chaos.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I have three kinds of friends: those who love me, those who pay no attention to me, and those who detest me.

(1741 – 1794) French writer

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author

Nature gave man two ends – one to sit on and one to think with; ever since then man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most.

(1867 – 1937) American anti-militarist writer & political activist

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I couldn’t be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

It may be the cock that crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician

A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

What’s a cult…it just means not enough people to make a minority.

(1925 – 2006) American film director, screenwriter & producer

You might be a redneck if… you wear someone else's work shirt.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I don’t understand this whole Elvis thing; there are dead people in my family that we miss and love dearly, but shoot, we don’t dress up like them and three are blank.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.

(1763 – 1848) German-American, first multi-millionaire in the U.S.

I would rather be an opportunist and float than go to the bottom with my principles round my neck.

(1867 – 1947) British politician

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A bore is a person not interested in you.


There are two types of people I hate… racists and Norwegians.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer