Subject: People » Self

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

I hate to see a young man get ahead on the basis of a famous family name.

(1932 – 2009) U.S. senator (Massachusetts)
People Self Success

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics Self

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

It would have been a wonderful wedding – had it not been mine.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Marriage People Self

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Fat Self

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

I’m not very domestic… for years my children though mold was a frosting.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Cooking Food/Drink People Self

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Self Truth

Twelve years after high school and I’m still at the nerd table.

(1975 – ) American actor
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Death Self

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

I feel like Barbie… years later after she’s seen some things.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
People Self

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

One day my father took me aside… and left me there.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur
People Self

I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family People Self

I don’t like my music, but what is my opinion against that of millions of others.

(1904 – 1988) Austrian-American composer
Entertainment Music People Self

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex