Author: Groucho Marx

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Young

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Home is where you hang your head.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

You’ve got the brain of a four year old boy… and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Love Money

You must fan the flames of love with the bellows of indifference.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

Anyone can get old; all you have to do is live long enough.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Old

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Situations

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults Intelligence

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

She’s upstairs filing her teeth.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Self Wordplay

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Education Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women