Author Groucho Marx | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Groucho Marx Page 3

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Otis B. Driftwood in “A Night at the Opera”

I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As Mr. Hammer in “The Cocoanuts” Cover charge

I wanted to get a writ of habeas corpus, but I should have gotten a-rid of you instead.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As Rufus T. Firefly in “Duck Soup” Writ of habeas corpus

I’ll see you at the opera tonight. I’ll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you’re on your own.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As Rufus T. Firefly in “Duck Soup”

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Activities TV/Movie Quotes In “Monkey Business” Parties

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Appearance Insults

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

People Birth Democrats Republicans

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Money Hospitals Taxi cabs

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

People Relationships Women Fun

Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As Professor Wagstaff in “Horse Feathers” Ice

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health Beauty Surgeon

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Insults TV/Movie Quotes As Rufus T. Firefly in “Duck Soup” Honor

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Dance Marriage Wives

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Appearance Clothing Men People Shopping Women

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Situations Time

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Hollywood Marriage Places Flowers Grooms

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Appearance Body Women

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Appearance TV/Movie Quotes As Captain Spaulding in “Animal Crackers” Beautiful

Men's tonsils, please.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Communication Speech To an elevator attendant while visiting a friend in the hospital

I have an agreement with the houseflies; the flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As J. Cheever Loophole in “At the Circus” Houseflies

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Author: Groucho Marx Page 3

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.

I wanted to get a writ of habeas corpus, but I should have gotten a-rid of you instead.

I’ll see you at the opera tonight. I’ll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you’re on your own.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.

Men's tonsils, please.

I have an agreement with the houseflies; the flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.