Author: Will Rogers

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Calvin Coolidge didn’t say much, and when he did, he didn’t say much.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Liberty doesn't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

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