Author: Will Rogers

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

He’s the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Once a man wants to hold a public office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The Venus de Milo is a good example of what happens to somebody who won't stop biting her fingernails.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate Committee appointed to look into it.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator