Author: Will Rogers

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft; today it’s called golf.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Calvin Coolidge didn’t say much, and when he did, he didn’t say much.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The Venus de Milo is a good example of what happens to somebody who won't stop biting her fingernails.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator













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