Author: Will Rogers

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve; but we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Liberty doesn't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Nothing you can’t spell will ever work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Calvin Coolidge didn’t say much, and when he did, he didn’t say much.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

He’s the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
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