Author: Will Rogers

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Nothing you can’t spell will ever work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate Committee appointed to look into it.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The more you read and observe about the Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve; but we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The Venus de Milo is a good example of what happens to somebody who won't stop biting her fingernails.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator













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