Keyword: Exams

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they're cramming for their final exam.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a community college.

American stand-up comedian

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

The taxpayer… that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the Civil Service examination.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper will be missing from the library.

Corollary: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out.

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

During exams you are permitted to look down for inspiration and up in exasperation, but you are not permitted to look side to side for information.

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you don't know enough to know better.

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak.

American basketball player

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

You never catch on until after the test.

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

In your toughest final – for the first time all year – the most distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.

When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.