Subject: Activities » Driving

My grandma used to say “Sound your Klaxon when you come around a turn,” and I’d say “Shut your f**king Klaxon I’m driving!” … Oh we had fun.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Activities Driving

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

I come from Calcutta: in the UK you drive on the left of the road, in Calcutta we drive on what is left of the road.

Indian comedian
Activities Driving Places

My wife… a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Driving Men People Women

If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

Identity Thief starts off moronic and then goes downhill.

British broadcaster, writer & film critic
Driving Reviews/Criticism

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather