Subject: Activities (Page 14)

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Activities Age Old

He can’t decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Activities Auto racing Misspokements Sports

The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Activities Emotions Fear Travel

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Situations

I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games; it’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Situations Sleep Yogi-isms

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

I like parades without missiles in them; I'll take Bullwinkle to a tank any day.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities

Eleven months’ hard work and one month’s acute disappointment.

British businessman & politician
Activities

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author
Drugs Self Situations

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Activities Golf Sports