Subject: Age

Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs… it’s expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Age Old

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Age Definitions

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Age Baseball Old Sports

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have remembrances of what never happened.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Age Old Young

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Health

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Congress Government Time

I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Age

Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Age Friends People Self

A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Age People Women

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies, we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers Old Young

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Age Children Old

Puberty is a phase… fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.

stand-up comedian
Age Life

If you live to be ninety in England and can still eat a boiled egg they think you deserve the Nobel Prize.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Age England Old Places

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Age

Young people should be helped, sheltered, ignored, and clubbed if necessary.

(1909 – 1979) American cartoonist (Li'l Abner)
Age People Young

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Age Individuals People

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

singer & musician
Age

I am in the prime of senility.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Age Memory Mind Old

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Failure Family Murphy’s Laws Parents Problems Young

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Age Emotions Money Old