Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 6)

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs God Religion Wordplay

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs God Health Misspokements

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Beliefs God Intelligence Stupidity

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs God

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
God Golf Sports

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)
Activities Beliefs God Shopping

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Conflict God War

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator
God Sports

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

I wore flowers in my hair and meditated for hours on end. I was finding God all over the place… He kept ditching me.

(1938 – ) American actor
God TV/Movie Quotes

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator
Beliefs God

God is usually on the side of the big squadrons against the small.

(1618 – 1693) French memoirist
Conflict God War

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Beliefs God