Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 6)

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

I wore flowers in my hair and meditated for hours on end. I was finding God all over the place… He kept ditching me.

(1938 – ) American actor

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator

God is usually on the side of the big squadrons against the small.

(1618 – 1693) French memoirist

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer