Subject: Beliefs (Page 15)

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

I don’t know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Beliefs Religion

It is common sense to take a method and try it… if it fails, admit it frankly and try another; but above all, try something.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Beliefs Success

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.

(1944 – ) American author & activist
Beliefs

I have derived continued benefit from criticism at all periods of my life and I do not remember any time when I was ever short of it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Beliefs

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.

(1806-1873) British philosopher
Beliefs Government Intelligence Opinion Stupidity

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.

(1867 – 1933) English writer
Beliefs Opinion

Facts are stubborn things.

(1721 – 1771) Scottish poet & author
Beliefs Facts

I'm Jewish, and I experience a lot of racism as a Jew, probably even more than most Jews 'cause I'm a moneylender.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Beliefs Religion

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Characteristics Honesty

He is a shifty-eyed goddamn liar…. he's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

You couldn't be a racist and live in L.A.; you'd be exhausted.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Places

He never relinquishes my disbelief.

professional football player
Beliefs Misspokements

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

(1895 – 1979) American archbishop of the Catholic Church
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Religion

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: “They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!”

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Life Religion

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.


Beliefs Characteristics Honesty People