Subject: Characteristics (Page 26)

My wife gets so jealous; she came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Characteristics Marriage Wives

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Time

It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author
Alcohol Characteristics Elections/Voting

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships

First of all you've got to have talent, and then you've got to marry her like I did.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Success

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Insults

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Insults

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

Flattery is like chewing gum… enjoy it but don't swallow it.

(1920 – 2001) cartoonist & creator of Dennis the Menace
Characteristics

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Characteristics Government Honesty Marriage Politicians Truth

Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics People Self Understanding

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

(1905 – 1982) American mystery writer (co-author of Ellery Queen stories
Characteristics People Women

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.

(1811 – 1889) British statesman
Characteristics Insults

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Hector Camacho's great-dream is to die in his own arms.

Boxing press agent
Boxing Characteristics Sports

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Characteristics Women

A New Zealander in a frenzy is an American in a coma.

(1970 – ) New Zealand stand-up comedian & radio & television personality
Characteristics Places World

 The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey; the old ballplayer cared about the name on the front… the new ballplayer cares about the name on the back.

professional baseball player
Baseball Characteristics Sports

I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Characteristics Sports

[I’m someone] who spends his time at parties in the room with the coats and whose idea of a good time is to go down to the bus terminal and pretend I’m going somewhere.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics People Self

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work