Subject: Communication » Language (Page 19)

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered, but I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady

Boy, those French… they have a different word for everything!

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

author

1. All's well that ends.
2. A penny saved is a penny.
3. Don't leave things unfinishe

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English?… it means liar.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright