Subject: Communication » Language (Page 18)

Ways to Relieve Stress #10: Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Emotions Language

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Speech Success

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Communication Language

I type a 101 words a minute… but it's in my own language.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Work

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

My spelling is wobbly; it’s good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Communication Food/Drink Language

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Communication Language

Arrivaducci, von boyage.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Communication Language Malaprops

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

A man who calls bullshit fertilizer.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Communication Individuals Language Lies

If “con” is the opposite of "pro," then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Congress Government Language

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

“Good morning” is a contradiction of terms.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)
Communication Language