Subject: Communication (Page 13)

I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Time

No matter which book you need, it's on the bottom shelf.

Books Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Communication Fools Intelligence Speech Wisdom

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Communication Language Lawyers

Don't use no double negatives.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Future Misspokements Past Speech

Two percent don’’t get the word.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.

(1979 – ) American stand-up comedian & author
Communication Relationships

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much.

Age Communication Old

Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.

(1892 – 1983) British author, journalist, literary critic & travel writer
Communication Reading/Writing

Throwing acid is wrong… in some people’s eyes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Health

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Doctors Health

I never thought you could win a Pulitzer just for quoting Tommy Lasorda correctly.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Communication People Reading/Writing Self Sports

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Family