Subject: Communication (Page 76)

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folk have lent me.

(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Books Communication

Why should I give my readers bad lines of my own when good ones of other people’s are so plenty?

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I know, than all the allegorical paintings they can show me in the world.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Art Communication Entertainment

If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

If you don't know what introspection is… you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

(1988 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Wordplay

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Health

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Communication Insults People

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Honesty Reading/Writing

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Communication

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
America Communication Reading/Writing

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

If the doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I’d type a little faster.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Communication Reading/Writing

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

American comedian
Communication Wordplay

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

Overeat: To dine.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Eating Food/Drink Language

I have read your book and much like it.

(1900 – 1986) American teacher & translator
Books Reviews/Criticism