Subject: Death (Page 16)

Usually when someone is given an evening like this, they’re way too dead to say thank you.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Death Situations

When someone close to you dies… move seats.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Death Situations

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.

(1864 – 1936) American newspaper editor & writer
Death Places

Don't let it end like this; tell them I said something.

(1878 – 1923) Mexican revolutionary general
Last words

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Last words

When Sinclair (Lewis) is dead he's dead; when I die I'm immortal.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Death People Self

Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.

(1873 – 1956) English poet, short story writer & novelist
Last words

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

It's a long time since I drank champagne.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Last words

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Death People Self

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

When I die, I want it to be on my 100the birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.

(1961 – ) American actress
Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

When I hear that a man is religious, I conclude he is a rascal!

(1711 – 1776) Scottish philosopher, historian, economist & essayist
Last words

I detest life insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Death

I understand life isn’t fair, but why couldn’t it just once be unfair in my favor?

American comedian
Death

Born in a hotel room, and Goddammit, died in one!

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Last words

My grief counsellor died the other day… but he was so good I didn’t give a shit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Death Emotions

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Death

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter
Death Education School