Subject: Death (Page 16)

A king should die standing.

(1755 – 1824) King of France
Last words

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships

I could shoot better!

(1920 – 1945) Dutch communist resistance fighter during World War II
Last words

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Language

That is indeed very good. I shall have to repeat that on the Golden Floor!

(1859 – 1936) English classical scholar & poet
Last words

People get way too much credit at funerals.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Death

I am just going outside. I may be some time.

(1880 – 1912) English Antarctic explorer
Last words

Absolutely not!

(1920 – 1966) American film & stage actor
Last words

I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.


Last words

Suppose, suppose.

(1848 – 1929) American frontier law enforcement officer
Last words

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

I'm glad he died before me, because I didn't want him to sing at my funeral.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death People

More weight.

(c.1611 – 1692) a prosperous farmer and church member in early colonial America who died under judicial torture during the Salem witch trials
Last words

Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.

(1664 – 1721) English poet & diplomat
Death Doctors Health

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

John Montague to John Wilkes: You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease.

Wilkes’ reply: That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.

(1725 – 1797) English radical, journalist & politician
Death Insults

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Death Future Intelligence Time

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish, I will know how it turned out.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Death Reading/Writing

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death Food/Drink

When I hear that a man is religious, I conclude he is a rascal!

(1711 – 1776) Scottish philosopher, historian, economist & essayist
Last words

A dying man enjoys free speech.

(1431 – 1463) French rogue, vagabond, outlaw, bohemian & poet
Communication Death Speech