Subject: Death (Page 18)

I understand life isn’t fair, but why couldn’t it just once be unfair in my favor?

American comedian
Death

Ah, well… we live and learn, or, anyway, we live.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Death Education Learning

It's stopped.

(1791 – 1863) English surgeon & literary executor of Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Last words

I told my girlfriend when I was going to die, because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

Oh, what's the bloody point?

(1926 – 1988) English comic actor & comedian
Last words

So here it is!

(69 BC – 30 BC) last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt
Last words

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

How young can you die of old age?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Death Life Old Young

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs; please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Death

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Death Money Time

If you want your name spelled wrong, die.

Communication Death Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I don't feel good.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Last words

I don't jog; if I die I want to be sick.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Activities Death

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Death Life Situations

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note… it’s a start…

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

This is absurd! This is absurd!

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis
Last words

Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Death Family

One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death… although Catholics have their hopes.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Last words

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Death

This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear.

(1907 – 1989) English actor, director & producer
Last words