Subject: Death (Page 3)

… and now for a final word from our sponsor…

(? – 2000) television writer (Days of Our Lives)
Last words

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian
Activities Death Places

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was shout for help.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Death Situations

I am going to hell and I'm looking forward to it… I'll finally get to meet Madonna.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Death Insults Places

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs; please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Death

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Age Death Murphy’s Laws Old

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

When people bury other people, they should be damn certain that’s where they want them to be.


Death

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

No, but comfortable enough to die.

(1717 – 1780) Empress of Austria & Hungary
Last words

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Death TV/Movie Quotes

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Places

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Death Marriage Wives

I'm sorry, boys, I’m all wet.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Death Last words

Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Last words

I shall look forward to a pleasant time.

(1737 – 1793) American merchant, statesman & patriot of the Revolution
Last words

Let’s face facts, shall we?… There is a very real possibility that this could also be the last day of the rest of your life.

(1939 – ) television newscaster
Death Life Situations

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People