Subject: Death (Page 5)

If anyone cries at my funeral, I will never speak to him again.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Death

This is how you die.

(1883 – 1971) French fashion designer & founder of the Chanel brand
Death Last words

You have to treat death like any other part of life.

American auto racer
Auto racing Death Sports

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

Where is my clock?

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
Last words

Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn’t scare the f**k out of everybody!

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Death

I leave life so that I can walk into history.

(1882 – 1954) Brazilian dictator & democratically elected President
Last words

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Death Friends People Things

Oh that press will have me now!

(1809 – 1892) Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom
Last words

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Communication Death Wordplay

Tell the boys I'm coming home.

(1901 – 1934) American burglar & bank robber
Last words

If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Born in a hotel room, and Goddammit, died in one!

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Last words

So here it is!

(69 BC – 30 BC) last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt
Last words

I need no doctor. I can overcome my own troubles.

(1808 – 1875) 17th U.S. President
Last words

I'm so bored with it all.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Last words

I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.

(1744 – 1790) French aristocrat
Last words

Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.

(? – 1928) mob boss
Last words

A bird in the hand is dead.

Animals Death Murphy’s Laws

I did not know that we had ever quarreled.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Last words