Subject: Death (Page 9)

I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Communication Death Wordplay

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Death Life

Don't let it end like this; tell them I said something.

(1878 – 1923) Mexican revolutionary general
Last words

My work is done, why wait?

(1854 – 1932) American innovator & founder of Eastman Kodak
Last words

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death Food/Drink

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Conflict Death War

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

Take me home. I was born in the South and I wish to die and be buried in the South.

(1856 – 1915) African-American educator, author & political leader
Last words

Okay, I won’t.

(1935 – 1977) American singer
Last words

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Death Mistakes Problems

One dies only once, and it’s for such a long time!

(1622 – 1673) French playwright & actor
Death

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them; golf is more complicated than that.

(1927 – 1998) American professional golfer
Death Golf Sports

It’s hard to be famous and alive.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Death Life

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Death Future Intelligence Time

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Death Life