Subject: Definitions (Page 33)

View All Definitions

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Bookcase: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and elvis collectibles.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Definitions Government Politicians

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports

Connoisseur: A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions