Subject: Definitions (Page 42)

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Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Discretion: A sense that comes to a man too late to do him any good.

Definitions

Theory: A hunch with a college education.

Definitions

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Propaganda: Baloney disguised as food for thought.

Definitions Wordplay

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Fools

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.

Activities Definitions