Subject: Emotions (Page 2)

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Emotions Friends

There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Emotions Entertainment Film

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure heats up the blood.

(1939 – ) American actress
Emotions

A married friend of mine does that thing where he never goes to bed angry… because every time he and his wife fight, she makes him sleep on the couch.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Anger Emotions Marriage Situations Sleep

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail and if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Government Laughter

As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Emotions Happiness

Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Emotions Happiness Time

When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them… but do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Emotions Love

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Emotions Love Money People Women

Tennis is like marrying for money; ‘love’ means nothing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Emotions Love Marriage Sports

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Appearance Body Emotions Love

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Emotions Love Sex Situations

If love were oil, I'd be about a quart low.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Emotions Love

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions People

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.

(1901 – 1970) American journalist & author
Eating Emotions Food/Drink Happiness

Give them pleasure – the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Emotions Entertainment Film

Never laugh at your significant other when they're having an orgasm; that is their time to shine.

(1983 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Sex

As my mother always says, “If you have to swear to get laughs, then you’re obviously a c**t.”

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Communication Emotions Laughter Speech