Subject: Entertainment (Page 37)

I always ask the sitter if they want truth or flattery; they always ask for truth, and I always give them flattery.

(1911 – 1990) English painter

Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night… Mendelsson lost.

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

Painting is just another way of keeping a diary.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.

(1927 – ) English actor

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? … Take them to a museum and say, “This is art, and you can’t do it.”

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

In Swan Lake, I was the lifeguard.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The only new show worth watching will be cancelled.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

(1852 – 1917) English actor & theater manager

If Michaelangelo had been a heterosexual, the Sistine Chapel would have been painted basic white and with a roller.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter

Only twelve disciples? … Didn't I tell you I want this thing to be big, big, big!

(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul

Harpist: A plucky musician.

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Nowadays Mitchum doesn’t so much act as point his suit at people.

(1946 – ) British journalist & broadcaster