Subject: Family » Children (Page 14)

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

I would like to give these kids a good home; in fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Children Family

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

American free-lance writer
Children

I like children… if they’re properly cooked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

[A successful parent is one] who raises a child who grows up and is able to pay for his or her own psychoanalysis.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Children Family Parents Success

My son is 21… he’ll be 22 if I let him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Age Children Family

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Children Family Fathers

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Old Parents

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Children Family Parents

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Age Children Family Marriage Places

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

I live near a remedial school and outside there is a sign that says, slow – children; that can't be good for their self esteem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Situations

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Children Family

My two sisters’ idea of birth control is apparently a bottle of tequila and the rhythm method of Barry White.

American comedian & television host
Children Family