Subject: Family » Children (Page 15)

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

It’s a mystery of parenthood that your son can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to stray, worm-riddled dogs, share a piece of re-chewed gum from a kid with bronchitis and pick his nose and eat it on a regular basis, yet won’t sit next to his sister because of ‘Girl Germs.’

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family

Because you are feeding both the child and the floor, raising this child will be expensive.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Food/Drink Money

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Children Family

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family

Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bad child.

Children Family Proverbs

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Children Family

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Animals Children Insults

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children Family Science/Weather

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Age Children Old People

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Children Family Parents Success

You have to remember: the wife has been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces… sometimes the opposite.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Marriage Wives

This is my second marriage, and I have a kid from my first marriage 'cause I like souvenirs.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Children Marriage

Can I Sit on Your Lap While You’re Pooping?

Book Titles Children

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory… an empty gin bottle.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Children Clothing Family

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Religion

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Children Family

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family Parents